On the 12th day of Christmas
Wall Street gave to me:
Twelve iPod models,
No foreign banking bailouts,
More brokers leaping,
Fed disappointing,
Bonds from Mike Milken,
Margin account calling,
My stocks upgrading,
Black gold rising,
My mortgage deferred,
A weaker yen,
Stocks Buffet loves,
And a rate cut from Bernanke.

Saturday, December 30, 2007

Rumor has it, this year’s New Year’s Eve ball is not going to be dropped in Times Square. They figured it would be more appropriate to drop it from the ceiling of the Citigroup Center building not stopping until around the 28th floor.
 
Just remember as we watch the ball drop, oil is still rising.

The US Government has just disclosed plans to eventually relocate the New York Stock Exchange building below ground. The building is not in bad shape or needs protection from terrorists, it's just a preventative measure to make it harder for employees to jump out windows when the market drops!

OK, the real reason why they will move it underground…Have you seen the price of real estate above ground lately?

David Letterman struck a private deal with his writers and announced that surprisingly they are returning to work right after the New Year. Rumor has it, the head writer was asked to go on a ride with some well dressed men who said "fuhgetaboutit" a lot. When the head writer returned, he was in a full body cast and announced their immediate return to work. When asked what happened, all he could mumble through his wired jaw and neck collar was: “The guy that employs these guys loves it when we, accidentally of course, drop watermelons out of tall buildings and watch them splatter on the ground. Well, just before I blacked out, one of them mentioned one small change. He told me, unfortunately, due to their recent increase in price and availability, they will need to find an adequate substitute that will splatter like a watermelon”.

With New Year’s Eve comes the tradition of singing Aud Lang Syne. Well, to steal a thought from the hysterical holiday CD, ”A Very Filthy XXX-Mas" what the heck does Aud Lang Syne mean and why do we sing it?
Someone once told me it was Irish. Well, New Year's Eve...Irish...drinking? It would make sense.
(CD still available at http://filthyxxxmas.com while supplies last. It's never too late for next year.)

Now that Jamie Lyn Spears is pregnant, We am going to go out on a limb and say that she does pretty darn well in her sex education class in high school.

Jamie Lynn Spears has also said that she is going to appear on the cover of a magazine when she is showing her baby bump. She is going to be on the cover of OK Magazine. Unfortunately, OK Magazine wasn't her first choice. Bride was out right away. The Christian Science Monitor, no way and 17 magazine is a definite no. It's called 17 for a reason and Jamie Lynn is only 16. They don't want to insult their older, more mature readers with 16 year old stuff.

We've have got this whole thing figured out right now. It is an amazing, sinister and brilliant plot for Britney to get her kids back. You see, there is a new report that the boyfriend that has been seen with her in all her photos isn't really the dad. He is being paid handsomely to say that he is to protect the real father. The real father is someone she knows or works with. In reality, the father is Kevin Federline. Little old Jamie seduced him one night and did what the Spears girls do best (get pregnant…you filthy minded people). Now when she announces it and DNA tests prove it, who is going to jail for statutory rape and gets Britney her kids back. Brilliant we say, brilliant!
“What? Now my sister Britney doesn't want her kids back you big bitch of a sister. You made me give it up to that sleaze. Fine...next baby is going to be with Justin Timberlake and do what you could never do”.

Reports on that horrific Tiger attack at the San Francisco Zoo have uncovered some new and shocking evidence. It turns out that it wasn't a tiger at all. It was a striped tabby that lived with Barry Bonds and apparently got into his steroid stash.