In honor of Judge Sotomayor's nomination to the high court, Taco Bell has revised its menu in her honor and heritage. The menu will now feature, Burrito Supreme Court, as well as Taco Supreme Court and when they give you the cup with ice for your soda, it will now be considered ... Delivering "Just ice".
Judge Sotomayor is already upsetting some of the other Justices who have respected the time honored tradition of reverence and constructional interpretations as their fore-fathers would have intended. No where does it say that deadlocks on decisions will be decided by having the Chief Justices swing three times at a Piñata. If they breaks it, guilty, if not, innocent, and they get to take it home.
Some of the old friends and relatives of Sonia Sotomayor are not pleased with her nomination and are now a little nervous around her. There is no way that someone from the Bronx with Puerto Rican heritage can fully trusted now being a "Federalas".
Jay Leno's final show as the host of "The Tonight Show" airs this Friday night. His last guest will be his replacement Conan O'Brien who takes over for him immediately on the following Monday night and a week later it will be his last show.
General Motors is not going
down without a fight. They have even started using the brand names of
their car lines to get the message across. We saw a billboard explaining
what exactly the letters in Cadillac actually mean. In their last minute
desperate search for cash, they're saying that Cadillac stands
for...Change Always Drops Inside Loveseats And Couches?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
If confirmed, Supreme court nominee Sonia Sotomayor would be the first Latino member of the Supreme Court. Her possible first case could be controversial if the US sends Cuban refugees home who are attempting to somehow cross the ocean to the USA (see Elian Gonzalez). This would, of course, be before the Cuban Nationals reach the point of no return. The other argument is to let them decide for themselves and face an unknown new life in America. We will see how the addition of a Latino woman to the highest court will affect their right to choose their method of transportation in Row vs. Wave.
In celebration of Sonia Sotomayor's nomination, people in her home turf in the Bronx have arranged to send her off in style. They secretly took her hoopti and are going to trick it out "boogie down" style. This system can be heard by Justice Scalia before she hits the George Washington bridge getting to New Jersey (see attached photo courtesy of Bronx Audio Bombers). Add the finishing touches of some sweet rims, velvet seats and a huge flag waving on the car to celebrate your Latino country's heritage. Now that's pimpin' a ride!
Wednesday May 27, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Novel Influenza A (H1N1) is a new flu virus of swine origin first detected in April 2009. This virus continues to infect young and old alike and both domestically and internationally. It is running rampant and causing widespread concern, worry, anxiety, fear, panic and possibly overreaction. We here at TDJR continue trying to do our part to help our country in times of need. We have been instructed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) - [where did the P go] to inform and educate our readers that there are several other strains of flu that are equally as unpleasant. This is the first in a series of TDJR Public Service Health Announcements:
- the flu that makes you sound like the Nanny, Fran Drescher.
The Mine Flu - it isn't what you think. It isn't that horrible sickness where you work for years in a mine and you wind up with black lungs. This is a variation of the Bird Flu, official name is the Avian Flu. For the record, the CDC wants to announce a public health notice, especially to West Virginia and the areas in and around, Crawford, Texas. The CDC needs to tell them that the Avian Flu is not caused by certain bottled waters. Its main symptom is an uncontrollable urge to hold a canary behind your butt and try to kill it with your own personal flatulent. Upon certain death, assemble the canaries and do as follows: Cover yourself up in a collection of stapled together dead canary carcasses as a blanket till cured. You, not the canaries. If this fails, repeat steps 2 through the end again with Black Crowe's...the band.
So far there are no cures found for theses flu viruses but the only prevention is to "Chiudere la Bocca" or "Zatvori Usta".
Monday, May 11, 2009
We're sorry; We just can't handle the irony in Kiefer Sutherland's life. He is a great guy and a pisser to hang out with, but unlucky with the law, hell yeah. It's so eff'd up that his show "24" takes place over the course of a 24 hour day in real time. Now Keifer after this arrest, if found guilty, ironically will be doing some "real time".
Los Angeles Dodger Manny Ramirez tested positive for steroid use and has been suspended for 50 games. It looks like he's the only one who didn't pass a stress test Thursday. In reality, he didn't deny using steroids. He said he used them on his food when he was with the Boston Red Sox. He didn’t have a choice; do you have any idea what kind of crap they call Latin food in Boston? An empanada doesn't have baked beans in it and that Steroid stuff was better than Molly McButter. It took away that gringo taste, made it spicy and juiced it up good. So now Manny’s got 50 days to go with his millions, He'll hit the beaches, hot ladies, hot parties, and only a quick bolt to Mexico for a juiced-up empanada or two, gringo style...Muy Bonita!
Some people are starting to say that the $250 dollar stimulus check from President Obama, care of Congress, is not getting to the people that need it. No, not the Three Big CEOs, anyway, the problem is that the checks are being delivered to their addresses correctly. Only thing is that they don't live there anymore since their houses got foreclosed upon. They don't have a permanent mailing address for a ‘93 Buick? Hey, just because you now live out of your car doesn't mean you are always going to get the same parking spot. Ahhhh. Maybe that's what happened to Dylan Ratigan??
Story: Former CNBC host Dylan Ratigan lands at MSNBC
(18 hours ago)
NEW YORK (AP) - Former CNBC "Fast Money" host Dylan Ratigan has landed a new daytime program at MSNBC.
Ratigan's new show will air on the news network from 9 to 11 a.m. Eastern Time. MSNBC had few details about what it will be, other than a mixture of talk and news with a distinct personality.
It marks a continued shift away from actual news programming to more personality-driven shows on cable news networks. Ratigan's show will start on June 29.
Ratigan's move was a mild surprise, considering he had quit CNBC five weeks ago.
Copyright © 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.
It took 5 weeks to notice this for a number of reasons. First, no one noticed he was missing. He was always kissing butt with a producer or exec for more air time. After all, he only had “Fast Money" and two were also part of anchoring two other daytime stock shows.
Dylan than started complaining that he invented the walking around the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. CNBC never thought to reimburse him for the mileage he put on his shoes. He said he changed the face of stock reporting by being able to navigate the twists and turns of financials, into home builders and end up always right next to a standing unmoving Bob Pisani.
Finally, the last straw was he had heard through his little minions at CNBC, listening for things about him. Well he was told that the network was considering the other professional traders, the ones who actually have to make a living at it and not just talk about it. Well they were going to dress accordingly to their positions. They were going to rescind the no suit jacket allowed rule for the traders; it was figured that if Karen Finerman can show up in her whole outfit, looking nice and not disheveled, well than the men should also. This did not go over well with the full suited Mr. Ratigan, who during a commercial break had an argument with the shows producer about it. Story goes that was it for Dylan, he quit.
Well he just signed a package with NBC that was the only way they could get him. It's his show and actually his own channel. It is 24 hours of Dylan Ratigan, All Dylan All the Time, The Golden Anchor in a Sea of Rusty Dead Weights.
Bob Dylan once co-wrote a protest song with Jacques Levy, about the unlawful imprisonment of boxer Rubin "Hurricane" Carter. It compiled alleged acts of racism and profiling against Carter which Dylan described as leading to a false trial and conviction. You can almost say that the “Hurricane” song applies here too. We dare to paraphrase the great Bob Dylan’s first two chorus lines for Mr. Hasbeen Ratigan but we will try:
"Here comes the story of the Ratigan,
Only shot himself,
His career is done".
Sunday, May, 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
The Tail of the Dendreon Saga and of the Eternal Battle of the Long and Short of It
(We paraphrase from The Bard himself.
OK more than paraphrase...how about completely made up)
It is in the sun's early rise before bells ringeth across thine countryside.
In the morn, methinks therefore it behooveth me to speak.
That thou has spoken with or without the forked tongue of the pumpeth or dumpeth.
That is neither mine nor the opulent to bear.
Wherein both based in equality and therefore lead to the ball of confusion and temptation and confusion of the masses.
Whilst all that is spoken, yea by friend or foe, leads into lands of the dark side of man's inner guidance.
To buy or to sell that is the question.
Oh Jonathan Gold, Jonathan Gold, wherefore art thou?
Whether 'tis nobler in thy mind to sell off.
The chance and opportunity of outrageous fortune.
But, wait!
What light does though ticker maker make?
It is the north or short selling to the south.
Arise, fair sideliners, enter thy riches and kill the envious shorts,
Who maketh the longs already sick and pale with grief.
Alas my poor Yorick, I knew him well.
He held on dearly, when even thy oracle knew it was time for sell.
It is a horror story bare I to tell.
For leaving penniless from the Gold Man's swell.
Instead of admittance out of thine window he did fell.
Alas my Poor Yorick,
I knew him well.
So neither a margin borrower nor a lender's call be.
With whatever language is chosen,
The opinions still belies to thee.
TDJR
(comedic license taken)
Monday, May 04, 2009
President Obama's personal thought on his first 100 days in office:
"I've done more before breakfast each day, than the last President did in 8 years".
Once again, Warren Buffett gave an early morning interview at CNBC with guess who? Yup, once again whenever he is at CNBC or she's in Nebraska, he always manages to be up early for an interview with her. It looks like he truly may be the smartest investor of all time. Who wouldn't set the alarm a little early to get yourself a Becky Quickie? Nothing beats a little "Oral-cal" to start your day off...(allegedly).
This just announced:
Tickerspy.com Announces New Stock Index Tracking Companies Seeking Treatments and Vaccines for Swine Flu and Avian Flu.
Tickerspy, an investing website featuring nearly 250 unique, proprietary indexes, announced the creation of the Swine Flu and Bird Flu Stocks Index. This new index has been met with mixed reaction and the odds are against it on the exchange. It's tough enough without already being referred to as the "Piggy Market"!
Many of the traders are in agreement and some of them have decided to stay home. People are overreacting a bit to the swine flu, in our opinion. What is the news...that the Swine Flu consists of regular flu like symptoms such as any assortment of the following: fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache or chills? So if you see a swine, or more commonly a pig with any of these symptoms, don't worry, this is only the mild symptoms. The time to really start worrying and preparing is when the pigs develop explosive diarrhea! "Fire in the Hole"... and run when they start flying!!!
A choice of pig art. We find these cartoons and photos less offensive or not necessarily at all. A second opinion and a call is needed by a second set of eyes. Do they seem to make the Swine Flu cuter??
"I got me a Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and about to set sail"...ummm, maybe not. B-52's, we know the song line is old, but it's time for a wee bit of a re-write.
Chrysler has announced it will be ending their line of Chrysler vehicles, except possibly for the "Town and Country" which would be absorbed by Dodge or Jeep. Move over Pontiac, looks like you are going to have some friends at the old car nursing home where they will spend their last days until it's time comes to an end and all the shocks in the world don't help. Yup, the battery is finally dead.
Friday, May 01, 2009
So how has President Obama done in his first 100 days in office? Well, he has surpassed expectations and surprised a lot of conservatives especially in the south. Yup, they're surprised he's still alive!!! Is that bad? Maybe they're surprised that no one has tried to impeach him "old southern style". Our guess is that no one uses plain white sheets anymore since all of the sheets now a days have prints. It just isn't the same. How can you show intolerance for other races, religions or ethnicity. It just isn't the same when you're shouting hate, violence and ignorance while having to wear some lovely spring flowered sheets with a beautiful marigold border and matching dust ruffle, all subtly combined with an undertone of consistent, yet understated, assortment of floral hues. All from the Martha Stewart collection available only at Macy's, your local thrift store or any licensed hunting bait and tackle shop in your neck of the woods.
While waiting to get out of jail, be the "Bell of the Bail" crowd by being best dressed, voted most likely to succeed in school while receiving unwanted attention. More to come, but please double check as we are running late for Dr. Barack Obama's press conference on his 100th day in office. He said that one of the best ways to avoid getting the swine flu is to make sure your children wash their hands. The President expanded his remarks to include those who do wash their hands but say they didn't because they are afraid of getting caught and get others to cover for them. Finally took his shot at the school bully for making fun of him and his mommy and daddy. Just get your strong friends and go to his town kicking the bully's butt even it was the wrong bully.
Does that sound familiar? Sounds like the Republicans who have been washing their hands of any dirt, beatings or lying as long as Water Boarding Gate. Water Boarding Gate...remember you heard it here first on TDJR.
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